


I Would Be Lying Saying You're The One

by donbeavers



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternative Universe- No Powers, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Bucky is a mess, Cheating, Heartbreak, Implied Bottom Bucky, M/M, Marriage Proposal, Miscommunication, Misunderstandings, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Past Peggy Carter/Steve Rogers, Pining, Unrequited Love, hurt/ comfort, kinda smutty, we will see about that rating
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-28
Updated: 2020-11-24
Packaged: 2021-03-08 04:28:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 16,076
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26699827
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/donbeavers/pseuds/donbeavers
Summary: At first he thought he must have confused one of the other thousand blond all-American guys in this city for his boyfriend, especially since Steve’s office was in a completely different direction.But after catching sight of him again between all the pedestrians he was sure it was Steve who was heading in his direction. Bucky frowned. This day kept just getting weirder. What was Steve doing here? He thought he had said he had to work longer, so Bucky was really confused as to why Steve was blocks away from his workplace at such an early time.But before he could rack his brain further or call out to him he recognised a very familiar gorgeous brunette woman besides him.And it was none other than Peggy Carter.*Bucky's life was basically perfect.Living in the city of his dreams, with a fantastic job and a boyfriend he loved very much, his life couldn't be better.That is, until the ex-girlfriend and high school sweetheart of Steve shows up back in New York again, and it seems like he wasn't quite as over her as he led Bucky to believe.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Comments: 107
Kudos: 140





	1. London Girl With An Attitude

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!
> 
> So this is my first fic for this fandom (and also the first one I've written in years), so please don't be too hard on me.  
> Special thanks to my beta roe87!  
> Without your encouragement I probably would have never gotten around to finally writing this :)  
> Also English isn't my first language so sorry for any mistakes.

With the morning sunlight caressing his face, Bucky woke up to the delicious smell of eggs and bacon frying. His mouth curved up into a small smile and he let out a content, sleepy noise. The spot next to him was empty, but that was nothing new, seeing as Steve was always up at the crack of dawn, going out for his daily morning jog with Sam.  
The noises and smell of breakfast wafting throughout the apartment told Bucky that Steve must have already showered, which was bummer, really, because he would have loved to have a nice morning shower and maybe a quick blowjob in there with him.  
Slowly blinking the sleep out of his eyes, he tried to get himself motivated enough to wake up. Then he heard the sizzling of the pan stop and shortly after footsteps that were heading to the bedroom.

A few seconds later Steve opened the door and gave him a beautiful smile. The morning sun let his golden hair shine even brighter and Bucky was filled with so much love for him he couldn't help but give him a lazy morning smile in return. Coming over to the bed Steve leaned down to cup his cheeks in his hands and gave him a long sweet kiss, which had Bucky melting back into the sheets again. Barely putting any distance between their lips Steve murmured a quiet, “Good morning, sweetheart,” and pecked his mouth one last time before leaning back again.  
“Hmm, good morning indeed.” Bucky smiled, sleepy eyes blinking up at Steve.  
“Come on, sleeping beauty, I made breakfast so you better don't take too long before it gets cold again,” Steve said while gently stroking Bucky's hair. He closed his eyes again since Steve's hand in his hair wasn't doing a very good job of keeping him awake.  
“Yeah, just a moment,” he whispered as sleep was tugging him back under. That was until he was very rudely pulled out of it again when his hair was given a sharp tug.  
“Hey, don't fall back asleep on me. I gotta be at work in forty-five minutes and I would like to eat with my sweetheart, since I won't be seeing you until later this evening.”

Bucky just grumbled incoherently. He hated when Steve worked late. Not that going without seeing each other for eight hours a day was rough when you were still in love with your boyfriend and would preferably spend all day between the sheets with them, but then Steve also had to be at work even longer recently. His company had just landed a huge new client and Steve, recently having been promoted to manager of the design department, had a lot of responsibility in this new project. This was his big chance to prove he deserved this promotion and was right for it. So Bucky totally understood why they weren't seeing each other as much during the week at the moment, but that didn't mean he had to like it.

“Come on, baby, up with you,” Steve said louder this time, while gently patting his butt. Bucky grumbled and reluctantly started to sit up. He did after all want to spend some time with Steve before he had to go without seeing him all day.  
Steve got up and disappeared back into the kitchen after shooting one last fond smile at Bucky’s grumpy and sleep-addled appearance. After he finally got himself out of the bed he went into the bathroom to make himself presentable. Lucky for Bucky, he worked from home most days of the week and didn’t have to look too professional most of the time.

It was then that his stomach grumbled loudly, so he followed the delicious smell of bacon and eggs into the kitchen, where Steve had just finished setting up the table and was pouring some coffee into two cups for them.  
Bucky took a seat and they both started digging into their breakfast. Since he was usually grumpy in the morning Steve had learned well to wait at least twenty minutes before trying to have a coherent conversation with him. That meant they mostly sat in silence while eating but neither of them minded their quiet morning ritual.  
But Bucky could tell something was bothering his boyfriend. Steve was a morning person and thus always full of energy, but today he was almost vibrating out of his seat with restless energy. His leg was moving constantly and it was practically driving Bucky out of his mind, who couldn’t handle this kind of shit this early. If Steve wasn't spilling what was making him so nervous soon he was going to snap.

Thankfully before he could do anything he would probably regret immediately after, Steve cleared his throat and finally spoke up.  
“Hey, Buck,” he started, stammering nervously, “so I was thinking, since I've been so busy with work these past few weeks, we should have a proper date night again this weekend.”  
Bucky furrowed his brows. Taking him out on a date hadn’t had Steve so nervous since their third date, back in senior year of college.  
Wondering why Steve was acting so weird about it, he answered carefully, “Uh, sure, sounds great. You already got an idea on where we could go?”  
Steve was fumbling with his fork and avoiding his eyes, which made him even more suspicious.  
“Yeah, there is a, uh, really nice fancy new restaurant a few blocks away. It got really good reviews.”

When Steve finally looked up at him and saw Bucky staring at him with furrowed brows he immediately looked back down at his plate again. Bucky was becoming more and more confused.  
“Okay, great. What's it called? If it's fancy we should probably make a reservation, right?”

“Oh, don't worry about it! I, uh, already made a reservation. A few days ago.” Now his cheeks were becoming blotchy red, as they always do on Steve's fair skin, and his eyes were nervously flitting around the room while still stubbornly avoiding Bucky.

Now Bucky was really at loss as to why Steve was melting into such a nervous puddle over a dinner. Sure, it had been a while since they’d had a proper night out and he had wined and dined Bucky. Steve really loved to spoil him from time to time, but it was really not something that special. Certainly nothing to get so worked up about.  
Trying to make sense of Steve’s reaction, Bucky decided the best way to handle it was to confront it head on.  
“Steve,” he started seriously, “did something happen? Why are you acting so weird?”

“What?” Steve asked and stared at him with wide eyes. “Why? What should have happened? Nothing happened! Everything is fine. Super fine!”

Obviously trying to get out under Bucky’s scrutiny, he started shovelling the last of his breakfast into his mouth and stood up. “Oh, look at the time! I'm going to be late, I have to leave. The trains, uh, they run so late lately. Better hurry! See you later, sweetheart,” he stammered while stumbling through the kitchen, gathering his things. He gave Bucky a short goodbye kiss and was out the door, leaving behind his extremely bewildered boyfriend.

*

A few hours later, Bucky was sitting in front of his work computer desperately trying to get himself together and focus on his current project. Being an engineer for one of the leading companies in all things new and advanced biotech definitely had its perks, namely having the privilege of working from home if there wasn't an important meeting happening that day. At least while they were still in the planning and designing phase of a project. Which was, luckily for Bucky, currently the case. He just really loved being in his own quiet space where he can work unbothered by annoying co-workers. Stark Industries was nice like that to his employees, and said the comfort of having the opportunity to work from their own homes would increase creativity and productivity.  
Not that the office wasn't fucking amazing because it really was. It was a huge building in Manhattan and had a lot of office space with the newest and most modern technology, as one would expect from a leading tech company.

Usually Bucky had no problem staying focused while working at his desk in their apartment, and wasn't easily distracted, but ever since his and Steve's weird conversation that morning he just couldn't shake the feeling that something was up with his boyfriend.

Staring at his screen without even really seeing anything he began nibbling on his pencil. It just didn't really make sense. They've been together for years now and had gone on more dinner nights out than he could count, so why was this making Steve so nervous? If something big or serious had happened, why not just tell him? Why wait until Saturday?  
Steve probably didn't even know he had been totally obvious with his nerves. While he actually thought he was subtle when something was on his mind or bothering or making him nervous, the truth was that he wasn't. At all. Especially to Bucky who could read him like an open book.  
But it also bothered him that he couldn’t figure out what was going on with Steve.  
After uselessly sitting in front of his screen for another hour, he finally gave up on trying to get any work done. At this point it was hopeless anyway. Closing his laptop and rubbing his tired eyes, Bucky looked at the clock. It was only half past four, which meant Steve wasn't going to be back anytime soon. Sighing, exhausted, he decided he needed to get out of the building for a while. The sunny September weather, with his last rays of late summer sun, was way too nice to be stuck in their apartment all day. They needed to get some fresh groceries anyway.

*

It was a couple hours later when Bucky was on his way back home, grocery bags in hand but still with his thoughts circling around Steve. It made him really uncomfortable that he had no idea what was going on with him. And he really couldn't wait until Saturday to find out, so he had made up his mind that he would confront Steve as soon as he came home. It was just going to drive him crazy otherwise and he wouldn't get anything done all week. And while his boss Tony was certainly a forgiving guy he really didn't want to slack off at work. Not when he had worked so hard to get this job, which most people could only dream of. And especially not if he was working himself up for nothing and it turned out he had been reading the entire situation completely wrong.

Glad to have a plan to solve this annoying situation he had found himself in, he tried to turn his thoughts on what he was going to cook tonight. Probably something nice so Steve would feel more comfortable to tell him what was going on. It's not like Bucky was a master in the kitchen, but he made a passable cook and had a few meals he was really good at.

Contemplating between some roast chicken with vegetables or some pasta recipe while watching he wasn't bumping into any of the cranky and busy New Yorkers who were all starting to head home at this hour, he suddenly caught sight of some very familiar blond head.

At first he thought he must have confused one of the other thousand blond all-American guys in this city for his boyfriend, especially since Steve’s office was in a completely different direction.  
But after catching sight of him again between all the pedestrians he was sure it was Steve who was heading in his direction. Bucky frowned. This day kept just getting weirder. What was Steve doing here? He thought he had said he had to work longer, so Bucky was really confused as to why Steve was blocks away from his workplace at such an early time.

But before he could rack his brain further or call out to him he recognised a very familiar gorgeous brunette woman besides him. And it was none other than Peggy Carter.

The same Peggy who had recently moved back to New York just a few months ago. Who had been Steve's girlfriend and high school sweetheart up until they were tragically broken up by unfortunate circumstances. Who it had taken Steve over a year to get over after she had moved back to England.

And who Steve was very secretly meeting, while telling Bucky he was busy with work.

His heart dropped.The it started to speed up twice as fast, while the rest of his body stood frozen in the middle of the Brooklyn sidewalk.

All while Steve was still heading in his direction smiling at the beautiful brunette at his side.

Before he could get his thoughts in order and decide how he was going to react, Steve and Peggy stopped in front of a store window, before disappearing inside.

Without thought Bucky's legs carried him to the window of the store while his eyes flicked up to the sign above the door.

_‘Love’s Jewelers’_

Heart in his throat he looked back into the window. To the people around him it probably looked like he was admiring the expensive jewellery, but from where he stood he had a good view inside the store.  
Steve was talking to the clerk behind the counter, who then disappeared into the back. While he was gone Steve looked back down to Peggy, a soft smile Bucky knew all too well on his lips. Usually this smile was reserved for him only, when they were winding down together on the couch after a long work day.

But now that fond smile was focused on his ex-girlfriend while he was softly talking to her, and it just about stabbed Bucky in his heart.

Shortly after, the clerk returned. In his hand he held a square little velvet covered box. And Bucky's heart, before beating so fast he could feel it in his throat, suddenly plummeted into his stomach.

He couldn’t make sense of his thoughts, standing there motionless as he watched the clerk set the box on the glass panel, with Peggy visibly excited and leaning closer to get a better view. The box was opened and inside, on a cushion of smooth velvet, sat a beautiful, golden ring.

Bucky felt cold, as if someone had dumped ice cold water over him. He couldn't speak, couldn't breathe.

He shifted his gaze to Steve's face, which had turned even more dopey as he looked from the ring to Peggy. His joy and fondness was so obvious on his face. So happy to share this moment with her. 

With Peggy.

And not Bucky.

Bucky could see her talking excitedly to Steve, looking up at him with just as much joy, before he gently took the ring in his hand. Then he carefully lifted her hand and slid it onto her finger.

Not being able to watch this a second longer, Bucky swiftly turned around and began walking home. Tears began to pool in his eyes but he was determined to not let them flow until he wasn't on a busy sidewalk in the middle of fucking Brooklyn.

His thoughts were a mess. He didn't understand why Steve would do this to him. He thought they were happy. In love. Things were going great. They had great sex, went regulary on dates. Lived together in a nice apartment and woke up each morning together. Were making plans for the future.

The future Steve had apparently very much planned without him.

That sure as hell seemed like an engagement ring. A very beautiful one. A beautiful ring for the perfect Peggy.

Bucky sniffled and quickly wiped away the tear that had begun to make its way down his face.

Fucking Peggy Carter.

It had always been a mean little thought in the back of his mind. The ‘What if’ Steve wasn't really over her. ‘What if’ one day he is going to leave him. And instead be with her, who he really wanted.

She had been, after all, his first love. The first person he had ever kissed. Made love to. Shared his deepest secrets with.

And it wasn't like their breakup had been by choice.

Now he couldn't hold his tears back. They were running down his face and there wasn't a thing Bucky could do about it, since new ones came as soon as he wiped the old ones away.

So he hurried up to get back as soon as possible, where he could cry as freely as he wanted to, while he waited for Steve to come back home to him.

If he was even coming home tonight.


	2. Pulled Apart At The Seams

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Big thank you for all the comments, kudos and subscriptions <3  
> So glad you all seemed to enjoy the first chapter.
> 
> And huge thank you to roe87 for being my beta for this chapter again <3
> 
> Updates will be on the weekend, either Saturday or Sunday.
> 
> I'm on tumblr @donbeavers
> 
> So, let's continue with the angst fest, shall we?

The sound of keys rattling outside their door startled Bucky out of his thoughts. After he had gotten home and just sat on their couch crying and wondering where it had all gone wrong, how he could have been so blind and not seen what had been happening, he didn't really expect Steve to come home tonight. Convinced he would stay the night with Peggy, celebrating their new milestone, he had thought he could sulk in their apartment, not worrying about how he should act in Steve's presence, now Bucky knew he would rather be somewhere else. Be with someone else.

Which begged the question of how long this had already been going on. Peggy had been back in New York for about six months now. Had Steve fallen back into love with her right away? He must have, for him to be so sure he wants to spend the rest of his life with her. Or maybe it had taken a while for him to realize his old affections were very much still there.

After all Steve wasn't a malicious person. He would never do this to Bucky and was probably very conflicted about the situation, Bucky was sure of it. He probably had tried to keep his feelings buried and move on. Tried to tell himself he was happy with Bucky.

But then found his way back to her anyway. Couldn't resist the pull of her.

And now he wanted to marry her.

Before Bucky could dwell on any of these thoughts any longer, Steve opened the door and came in with a rueful smile on his face. Thankfully Bucky had long since stopped crying so he hoped he didn't look like a total mess.

“Hey, babe, sorry I'm back so late,” Steve said, sounding cheerful. “I tried to come home sooner, but they wouldn't let me go until we had finished that last meeting. And then traffic was hell, some accident on the 9th, but I brought some take-out.” Steve took off his shoes and hung up his jacket, balancing two bags in his hand.

Bucky just stared blankly at him, not knowing how to respond to the obvious lie Steve was telling him. How could he act so happy to be here if Bucky knew with absolute certainty that's not where he actually wanted to be?

His expression must have reflected his thoughts, or he really just looked like a mess, because Steve was now looking concerned at his lack of answer.

“Everything alright, Buck?”

Mentally trying to pull himself together, Bucky made his lips curve into a, hopefully convincing, smile.

“Yeah, I'm fine. Just had a long day at work. And I missed you,” he couldn't help but add in a small voice.

Shooting him a soft smile Steve came over to the couch and gave him a short sweet kiss.

“Aww, sweetheart. I missed you, too. I know I've been so busy with work the last few weeks, but I promise after we wrap up our project this week I'll have a lot more time for you.”

Not being able to look at Steve's face when Bucky knew he was blatantly lying to him, Bucky stared at his hands as he twisted them into his jeans. Although it was meant as a reassurance, all it did was remind Bucky for how long this so-called 'project' of Steve’s had been going on and how all this time it probably was just the cover for his secret meetings with Peggy.

But why pretend like everything was fine, like Steve was happy with him? Why not just break up with him? No matter which way he twisted it, Bucky couldn't make sense of it.

“It's okay. I understand,” Bucky murmured in answer.

Still smiling at him, Steve proceeded to stand up with their take-out bags in hand. Which reminded Bucky that he had completely forgotten to cook their dinner.

“Oh, by the way, sorry for not checking in with you about dinner,” Steve told him as he wandered through to the kitchen. “I know you usually make something,” he called, now out of sight, “but I thought we could make ourselves comfortable on the couch and eat take-out while watching one of these Sci-Fi movies you love.”  
Bucky wasn’t sure how to respond, and listened to the sounds of cupboards opening and plates clinking together.  
When he came back into the living room, ready to set everything up for their cozy night in, still smiling so beautifully bright and happy at him, Bucky’s heart clenched painfully. He didn’t know he should act right, how to go on from here.

On the one hand he wanted to confront Steve about what he saw earlier, demand answers and have him explain what the hell is going on. Have him explain to Bucky how could he lie, how could he betray him like this.  
But on the other hand, Steve was acting like he always did, like nothing was wrong at all. Smiling at him like there was no place he would rather be.

And the truth was that Bucky was just completely terrified of what would happen if he did confront Steve about Peggy.  
Would he try to lie to him? Tell him he was dumb for even thinking that, convince him there was nothing going on, that it was all in his imagination?  
Like Brock had done to Bucky back then?  
No, Bucky thought, Steve was nothing like his shitty ex from his freshman year at college. But after knowing what he knew now, was he really that much better? If he really was cheating on him with Peggy, even getting fucking engaged to her, and just stringing him along, wasn’t he just as much of asshole?  
Bucky didn’t want to believe that.

Maybe, if he did confront Steve, he would finally drop the act, and would gently try to explain it to him. How Peggy has always, will always, be the one for him. And how, had circumstances and bad luck not been in the way, they would’ve never broken up, and thus Steve never would have gotten together with Bucky back in college. How Bucky was just his rebound, only there to fill the gap Peggy had left. A gap that, after all this time, could still only be filled by her.  
Tell him how it always would be Peggy who he really belonged to.  
How he had never really been Bucky’s to keep.

And now, after the tragic lovers were finally reunited and could be together, how they were always meant to be, would Bucky really be so cruel and stand in the way of their happily ever after? Could he do this to Steve, who Bucky loved so much and, at the end of it, just wanted to be happy?

But what about Bucky’s happy end? Didn’t he deserve one, too? 

Looking up at Steve from where he was cuddled into his side, seeing him laughing at some dumb joke in the movie without a care in the world, Bucky really wanted to believe that their relationship, the last five years they had shared together, through up and downs, through happiness and sadness, had meant more to Steve than just some kind of place holder. So ready to discard him for someone else.

But he also thought how it probably hadn’t been easy for Steve. If Bucky knew him at all, and he would like to think he did after all this time spent in each other’s pockets, Steve hadn’t been intentionally trying to hurt him. He just wasn’t that kind of person, Bucky knew that. Steve still cared about him. 

It was probably also the reason why he hadn’t broken up with him already, if Bucky thought about it rationally. Steve didn’t want to hurt him, didn’t want to burst the little bubble Bucky was living in. So he kept on pretending as if everything was fine, as if he wasn’t deeply in love with his ex-girlfriend and constantly cheating on Bucky with her.

But how long was he going to keep up the act? If he was really intending to marry Peggy, and the ring sure as hell made it seem so, it wouldn’t be long before he finally ended things with Bucky for good, right?

Deeply immersed in his thoughts, Bucky didn’t notice the movie ending and Steve turning off the TV. Gently shaking him, Steve finally noticed how absent-minded he was and shot him a slightly concerned frown.

“Hey, Buck, the movie’s over.”

Pulled out of his thoughts, Bucky looked up at Steve and then around the room, his gaze hazy. He had been so distracted he had barely processed anything of the movie.

Steve, being the attentive and observant boyfriend that he was, of course noticed that something had been distracting Bucky.

“You okay, babe? You seem a little out of it. You sure everything is alright?”

His blue eyes were worriedly flitting around Bucky’s face, his brows furrowing.  
Swallowing down the rest of his contemplations, at least for the moment, Bucky forced his smile to be as convincing as possible. Whatever he intended to do about it, tonight was definitely not the time to start that argument.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Just kinda tired, I had a long day.”  
Steve didn’t really look convinced, but thankfully dropped it. With a “Alright, then let's go to bed,” he stood up and brought the dirty dishes into the kitchen, before they both started to get ready for the night.

*  
A while after they had gone to bed, each on their respective side, Steve put down the book he had been reading and rolled to the side, his eyes staring intensely at Bucky’s profile. 

At first, Bucky tried to ignore Steve’s staring, but as time went on without him breaking it, Bucky began to squirm, before he finally relented and put his phone down.

Turning his head to meet his gaze with an accusing “What?” Steve just responded with a cocky smile, his lips stretching wide and his eyes blinking mischiefly.

“Hmm, am I not allowed to look at my hot boyfriend? Especially if he is lying right besides me, naked and just waiting for me to ravish him?” Steve grinned at him.

Not knowing how to respond, now seeing in which direction Steve intended to lead the evening, Bucky just stared at him with big blue eyes, his mouth forming a little ‘o’.

Before Bucky could react to his flirtation, Steve leaned over and laid his hand on Bucky’s cheek, softly holding his head in place before pressing his lips firmly against Bucky’s. He started off slowly, kissing him lazily while he began moving to settle over him. His hand started gently stroking his cheek, before wandering down to his neck.

At first Bucky didn’t really respond, barely returning Steve’s kiss. Not quite sure if he wanted to go down this road tonight, pretending like the rest of the day hadn’t happened. Just falling into bed with Steve as if it was another normal day.

But before he made up his mind on how to handle the situation, Steve tilted Bucky’s head up to deepen the kiss, easily taking full control, just how they both liked it. Tongue sliding over his lips, seeking entrance, Bucky let out a soft moan. Steve immediately took the opportunity and swiftly slipped his tongue into his mouth, making the kiss wetter and messier the longer it went on.

Separating their lips only to move his to Bucky’s neck, nipping sharply on his skin before running his tongue over the spot to soothe it, Bucky was quickly succumbing to the heat and lust it always invoked in him when Steve got a little more rough. 

It was ridiculous how easily he could make Bucky lose his mind, quickly becoming nothing but melted butter in his strong grip. His head was empty except for how good it felt to feel Steve’s hand in his hair, grabbing and tugging it, positioning him in a way that granted Steve even more access to Bucky’s skin.

The air between them grew hotter the longer Steve worked on his neck, probably intending to leave a huge hickey for all the world to see, biting and licking it over and over again, spurred on by the soft gasps and moans leaving Bucky’s mouth. 

Apparently being satisfied with his work on Bucky’s neck, Steve moved back up to his lips to kiss him filthily. When Bucky noticed how Steve had started rutting his hips against his, his cock already swelling up quickly, Bucky let out another moan. 

“Yeah, baby, you like that, huh? Feeling how hard I get for you, how much you drive me crazy.” Steve panted against his lips, barely leaving any space between them. 

Becoming more frantic, Steve’s other hand grabbed Bucky’s thigh to hoist it over his hip. The new angle and Steve’s growing pace turned Bucky on even more, his own cock now almost fully hard.

Letting out an embarrassingly high whine against Steve’s lips, there was no thought left in his head except for how good it felt to have Steve manhandle him to his will. Steve felt so strong against him, and their cocks, just separated by thin briefs, sliding together feeling so good.

This was just what he needed, Bucky thought, a nice distraction in the form of some rough fucking from his boyfriend to take his mind off what had been plaguing his thoughts all evening. 

Of course, just as the thought entered his head, he was sharply reminded of the events that had conspired earlier that day. Steve had done such a good job of distracting him, knowing exactly how to get his minds off of things. 

But the memory of Steve giving Peggy their engagement ring was now sharp as day again, and the heat in the room had turned ice cold. Shivering at the thought of Steve being with her like this, just a few hours earlier, kissing her, making love to her, it made Bucky freeze up.

It gave a sharp and painful stab to Bucky’s heart.

Not being able to keep going on with this any longer, Bucky separated their lips. His breath still left his mouth in pants, and he needed a moment to catch his breath and form words again.

Steve, however, not letting that stop him, made his way back to his neck again where he was sure to wreck even more havoc. But before Bucky lost his mind to the pleasure Steve was inflicting on his skin again, he managed to find his voice.

“Steve,” he gasped brokenly, trying to get his attention. “Steve, wait a second.”

But Steve, clearly so gone on taste of Bucky’s skin, just grunted, the vibrations causing a shiver to run down Bucky’s back. 

He must have not really heard what Bucky had said, instead doubling down on the pace with which he was rutting their groins together.

At a sharp nip of Steve’s teeth, Bucky let out a breathy moan again. Trying to pull his mind out of it, he managed to get one hand in Steve’s hair, tugging his head away from his throat. 

Steve looked at him with wide eyes, his pupils swallowed in black, a question in his gaze. 

“Huh?” Steve panted. His chest was heaving, his muscles starting to glisten with sweat. Cheeks and lips plumbing into a seductive red, Steve looked a mess, a very attractive one. Bucky had a hard time not giving into the temptation to just go back to sucking each other’s faces again.

“What’s wrong, babe?”

He looked so earnestly at Bucky, like he couldn’t even imagine what might be the matter with him. Like nothing was wrong and they were both fine.

Well, to him everything was perfect. Having some willing guy sitting at home, totally oblivious to the fact his boyfriend was making time with another girl, always ready to spread his legs for him, he probably couldn’t imagine what problem Bucky might have, supposedly still none the wiser.

And Bucky knew those thoughts were malicious and Steve didn’t really think about him like that. But, for god’s sake, it’s been a long day and Bucky was just tired of it all, not really in the mood to play fair.

Especially since the fact remained that Steve did, and still does, cheat on him.

Sitting up, forcing Steve to scoot back even further, Bucky avoided his imploring eyes, instead focusing his gaze on the wall behind Steve.

With a tired and exhausted drawl, Bucky said, “Nothing's wrong. I’m just tired. Not really feeling up for it right now.”

Steve furrowed his eyes and stared at him dumbfounded. “You sure? I thought… I mean, you seemed to enjoy it. Did I do something wrong?”

If Bucky hadn’t been so heartbroken and tired, ready to just be done with this day, he would have snorted at the question. Instead, he again claimed that having a long day and being just too tired for sex was the reason. 

But Steve, being the stubborn bastard that he was, wouldn’t let it go. Still staring at him with concern, his blue eyes trying to figure him out. “Are you sure, Bucky? Something seems up with you today. You know you can tell me, right?”

Huffing out a breath, Bucky was getting very frustrated. He just wanted to go to sleep, try to make sense of everything and get his mind wrapped around what he had seen today. But Steve kept asking and prying, until Bucky had enough and lashed out.

“For fuck’s sake, I’m just tired, Steve,” Bucky snapped. “Nothing’s going on. I would just like to go the fuck to sleep and not be interrogated just because i won’t put out. If you wanna get off so badly then go to the bathroom and get it done yourself. Now leave me alone.”

And, without throwing another glance at him, Bucky angrily turned on his side with his back to Steve and yanked the blanket up to his face. 

The room was quiet for a moment, Steve probably stumped by Bucky’s outrage. Whatever, Bucky thought. He just finally wanted sleep to claim him and make him forget everything for a few hours.

Fuck Steve for acting so concerned, playing the good and caring boyfriend when he was anything but.

After a few seconds some rustling could be heard, and then Bucky felt the mattress shift as Steve laid gently down behind him. Carefully wrapping his arm around him, Steve spooned up to him tightly. Kissing his hair and gently stroking his skin, they lay there for a moment, Bucky tense in Steve’s arms.

“I’m sorry for pushing, Buck,” Steve whispered gently. “I hope you know you can talk to me. About everything. Especially if it’s bothering you so much. Whenever you’re ready to tell me, I’ll be there for you.”

And with another kiss to his hair, a quiet, “I love you,” mumbled into the skin of Bucky’s neck, Steve tightened his arms around him. 

A hush fell over the room, both of them still awake, lost to their own thoughts. Choking down the sobs trying to make their way out, Bucky cried silently, still trying to make sense of how this beautiful, caring man holding him could break his heart so painfully.


	3. You're Tearing Through The Pages And The Ink

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No Beta this time so all mistakes are my own.  
> I actually think this chapter is the best one yet so I'm really proud of it :)  
> And it is also the longest so far!
> 
> I'm @donbeavers on tumblr if anyone wants to chat!
> 
> Comments are always very appreciated! <3
> 
> Alright, who is ready for some fluff now?

By noon the next day, Bucky had not made one bit of progress on his project. He should have predicted it. Maybe gone into the office instead of working from home, so the different environment would have helped him with focusing his thoughts on his work. 

But he didn't, and now he was stuck. He could still go, but by the time he made it there, set everything up and got out of the inevitable small talk of his coworkers, he would only have a few hours left to get anything done. That was, if he managed to finally pull his head out of it.

Giving a frustrated puff at his screen, his head in his hand and his eyes blinking at the cursor that he hadn’t moved all day, Bucky thought maybe it was time for an intervention.

In the form of a certain no-nonsense redhead.

Checking the clock again to make sure Natasha was on her break, he pulled his phone out of his pocket. Scrolling through his contacts and calling her number, Bucky bit his lips and wondered what she would think of his situation.  
If maybe he was really just overreacting.

After last night the mood between Steve and him had been tense this morning. Though Bucky was aware that this was entirely the fault of his outbreak last night, and probably not due to Steve planning on confessing.

And after doing nothing all morning but thinking about yesterday and, really, about how Steve has been acting since Peggy had been back, his conviction of Steve’s betrayal had begun to waver.

Because one thing Bucky had learned about Steve since they met all these years ago was that he was a shitty ass liar if he had ever known one. And the way he had been acting the last few months was no different than how he always was. 

So while it was clear that something was up with Steve, Bucky started to doubt that it was necessarily due to Steve cheating on him. That maybe he had it all wrong and something else had Steve acting so strange.  
It's not like Bucky had seen the two of them kissing or having sex. Sure, Steve had been lying about where and with whom he had been, and there was still the matter of the ring, but maybe it had just been some old jewelry of Peggy’s and he was working himself up for nothing. 

Insecurities flared up in Bucky again, asking mean questions like, _why exactly Steve had to be there if Peggy was just picking something up,_ and _why Steve had been the one to so tenderly slid it onto her finger._ He just didn’t know what to think or do, he was at loss, his thoughts muddled.

Which was the reason why he really needed to talk to Natasha and get her opinion on it. Maybe she could bring some sense to him, get Bucky to see the situation from a more objective perspective.

The phone rang a few times before Bucky could hear her voice answering him, “Oh, hello James. To what do I owe the pleasure of you calling me in the middle of my lunch break?”

Trying for nonchalance, Bucky asked, “Hey Nat, just wondering how you’ve been. Are you making progressive with the girls?”

“Oh, i’m fine, the usual.” she replied. “Everyone is getting more stressed the closer we get to the big premiere, you know how it is. But they’re all working hard, it’s gonna be great this year.”

“Yeah, I don’t doubt it,” Bucky smiled. 

The ballet shows Nat puts together every year are always amazing. Bucky, of course being the supportive best friend that he is, always came and watched them. She really had talent for choreography and dancing, Bucky had known it since he had met Nat back in college, so he was not at all surprised when she had gotten the job as the assistant choreographer at the Brooklyn theater a few years back. Natasha really deserved it, even if she is way too hard on herself.

“And how are things with Clint?”

Giving an impatient hum from her, she replied, “Things are great, everything the same old.”

“Hmm, that's nice.”

“Yeah, it is. So, James, I hate to cut our small talk short, but I haven’t got all day, and I can feel you nervous fidgeting through the phone. So finally spit out why you’re really calling.”

“Nothing gets past you, huh?” Bucky chuckled nervously.

“James,” Natasha started to sound really impatient, “Out with it. You know I love you, but I really don’t have the time right now.”

“Yeah I know, I’m sorry to interrupt you like this, it’s just, I really need your advice,” Bucky murmured, nervously twirling his pen, “It’s about Steve.”

“Okay, what about him? Something happened?”

“I … yeah. He, well, I mean,” taking a deep breath, Bucky whispered, “I think he is cheating on me.”

Biting his lips nervously, Bucky waited for her answer as the line was quiet for a few seconds. 

“You’re not serious, are you?” her voice dripped with disbelief, “Steve, your Steve, cheating on you? Are you kidding me?”

“I wish, Nat. I just saw some weird things, and I just don’t know. That’s why I need your advice.”

“Come on, James, Steve would never. That man is so besotted with you, what the hell made you think he would ever do that.”

Sighing defeated, Bucky softly replied, “Well, I saw him with Peggy, at a jewelry shop. After he told me earlier he had to work longer. And they were picking up a ring, an engagement ring. He even put it on her finger.”

Waiting for Nat’s response, Bucky bit his lips nervously.

The line was silent for a few beats.

“That doesn’t have to mean anything. Did you talk to him about it? What did he have to say?”

“No, I- I haven’t talked to him yet.” Bucky confessed quietly. “I’m too scared of what his response will be.”

And he didn’t even know what he was more scared of: Steve proving his deepest fears right and leaving him when confronted - or denying everything and pretending as if he didn’t know what Bucky was talking about.

Or maybe he was very wrong about it all and was messing up his relationship with Steve by accusing him of cheating. And then Steve would be upset and maybe be fed up with him and then-

“James,” Nat’s disapproving voice cut through his spiraling thoughts. “I could try to dissect everything you saw happening between them, and speculate about reasons Steve was lying, but that would only end in making you even more crazy and unsure. The only way to know for sure is by confronting and talking it out with him.”

“I know, I know. I just- What do I do if it’s true? I don’t wanna lose him.”

“You want my honest opinion?”

Swallowing the lump in his throat, Bucky whispered, “Yeah, always.”

“You won’t lose him.” Her voice was soft now. “Steve loves you, and you two have been happy for so long now, unless the way you two acted the last time I saw you has changed drastically, I’m sure he is still as smitten with you as he has been the last few years. Not even Peggy Carter can change that.”  
Before Bucky could retort Nat continued, “And besides, it’s been almost a decade since they’ve been together. And I can assure you, from the standpoint of a very protective best friend to you, Steve has not once made the impression anything was missing for him while he was with you.”

Bucky could hear the noises on the other side of the phone becoming louder, indicating her break was almost over. 

“Thank you, Nat. You’re probably right. I’m gonna talk to him. See what he has to say.”

Before she could answer, she was interrupted by someone else. After a quick retort to quiet for Bucky to hear, Natasha hastily said, “Yes, do that. Look, I have to go, but if I’m wrong and he really is a cheating douchebag, you know you are always welcome to stay with me. I’ll be there for you, no matter what.”

“I know. Thank you, Nat, really. I don’t know what I would do without you.”

Smile practically audible through the line, Nat said, “Who knows, really. Anyway, take care. You got this. And tell me how it went after. See you around, James.”

After bidding his goodbye and hanging up, Bucky was already feeling better about the situation. If Natasha, his best friend who had been in the first row watching the shitshow that was his relationship with Brock and was fiercely protective of him, especially when it came to guys, wasn’t concerned about Steve even after what Bucky told her, he probably really didn’t have to worry about it.

So he decided to talk to Steve this evening, see what he was going to say to this. Finally a little more settled and with new determination Bucky went back to work.

*

Later, after he had managed to finally get at least a little bit progress on his project, he was in the kitchen cooking dinner for Steve and him. Steve didn’t say he had to work later today, so Bucky was expecting him home any minute now. 

While the food was sizzling away in the pan Bucky thoughts began to wander back to his call with Natasha, mulling over how to start the conversation with Steve later on.

Natasha’s reaction had honestly surprised him. He had thought she would be much more concerned and distrusting, even if she was also Steve’s friend.  
She had actually been the one to introduce the two of them back in their second year of college. 

He and Natasha had been best friends since middle school, she had been through thick and thin with him. Bucky didn’t know what he would have done without her, especially after he had been dragged through so much shit by his shitty ex. 

It had been a disaster in the making from the very beginning, and despite all the warnings from Natasha, Bucky had still gone out with Brock when he had asked him on a date.

But at that point Bucky had been just out of high school, where he had been the nerdy, gay kid with maybe three friends. No one had ever expressed any interest in him, especially not one of the handsome, popular guys. So on cloud nine, he had obviously said yes.

At first it was amazing. Bucky hadn’t believed his luck, every fantasy coming true. In the first few weeks Brock had been perfect, taking him on fancy dates, spoiling him. 

And, well, if Brock had urged him to sleep with him a little more insistently than Bucky would have liked or been comfortable with, that was just normal, right? Brock was experienced and immensely enjoyed sex, obviously he didn’t want to wait forever for Bucky to come around. And he knew what he was doing, could probably give Bucky the best first time he would ever wish for, had been treating him so good in every other aspect of their relationship, so Bucky should just get over himself and do it. 

So he had given in, and it had been awful.

But in response to Bucky voicing his concerns, Brock had just told him it was due to his inexperience, and it would get better with time. 

But it didn’t.

And as time went on, Brock’s fasade of the perfect boyfriend began to crumble. He started hanging out less with Bucky, instead going to frat parties more and doing stuff with his friends. And eventually, or maybe he had been doing it the whole time while they were together, he had started to sleep around with other people. He hadn’t even cared to hide it.

Bucky had blamed himself, thought it was his fault Brock was unfaithful. Thinking it was because he was too inexperienced, that he couldn’t give him what he needed. 

And, somewhere in the back of his head he knew that it shouldn’t be a reason to cheat at him, but Brock had a very particular way to manipulate him and make him feel as if it’s all his fault.

_“What else am I supposed to do while you’re being a nerd and studying. Think I’m just gonna wait around for you to be in the mood every once in a blue moon? Yeah, no, not gonna happen. I have needs, you know.”_

And later on, when it got worse and Bucky threatened to break up with him, Brock just knew how to prey on his insecurities and make him all docile again.

_“And, really, Bucky, who else would want you anyway? I’m the best one you’ll ever get, you think anyone else would have put up with all your whining? So what if I’m fucking other people. Doesn’t matter anyway, stop crying about it like a little baby.”_

And Bucky didn’t know any better. Brock was the first and only to express interest in him. No one else had ever looked twice. What if he really was the best he was going to get? It was worth the pain, right? At least he wasn’t alone anymore.

Obviously Natasha hated Brock and had made no secret of it the whole time they had been together. It had taken her a lot of time, patience and convincing to eventually get Bucky to call it off. It hadn’t been easy, and Bucky had a lot of emotional baggage to deal with for a long time after it had ended, but Natasha had been there for him the whole way, slowly helping him to get back his sense of self-worth.

And then, in the second year of college, there had been a very sad and dejected boy with a smile like sunshine in Natasha art class and, well. After partnering up for a project and deciding he was apparently a good match for her own broken-hearted best friend, she had introduced the two of them. 

And the rest, as they say, was history.

Actually, well, they hadn’t gotten together right away. Steve had still been struggling with his break up with Peggy for a few years, and Bucky had to do his own healing from his fucked up relationship with Brock. 

But they eventually got there, and have been happy ever since.

Lost to his own thoughts, absentmindedly stirring the food, Bucky didn’t hear the door opening and Steve coming home, until he was startled by his arms wrapping around him. 

“Hey, beautiful.” Steve whispered against his ear after kissing him on his cheek. 

“God, Steve, you startled me!”

Steve just chuckled against his cheek, nuzzling his nose against his skin.

“Well, not my fault you’re not paying attention.”

Taking a deep breath, he continued, “Hmm, dinner smells amazing baby.”

Bucky just hummed and continued to stir the pan, while Steve was still clinging to his back, his hands feeling him up. He had always been very generous with his affections.

Before Steve came up with any naughty ideas, distracting him so much he would burn their dinner, Bucky shooed him away, “Well, if you don’t want it to be burned, you better stop this. How about you make yourself useful and set the table.”

After one last kiss to his Bucky’s neck, Steve obeyed his order and pulled away from him, his hands lingering on his hips before sliding away.

Sitting together at the table eating dinner, Steve smiling at him bright like sunshine, the possibility of what Bucky saw yesterday being a misunderstanding became more and more apparent. 

If Steve was about to break it off with him he would certainly not look at him with fond, loving eyes and smile at him like there was no place he would rather be. Steve just wasn’t that good of an actor.

Bucky was certain he had been overreacting, the lingering insecurities and jealousy he had about Peggy clouding his judgment. 

And as for Steve lying to him, there was probably a very plausible explanation for it. If Bucky asked about it Steve would be quick to clear everything up, and Bucky could all forget about the awful conclusion he had drawn at first.

So why was he still hesitating? He had nothing to be concerned about. 

Bucky almost bit his lips raw, trying to think about the best way to bring it up.

“What are you frowning about, sweetheart? Stress at work again?” Shooting him a soft smile, Steve took his hand and gently stroked over his skin with his thumb.

Overcome with love and fondness for the man in front of him, smiling so softly and with so much patience at him, even though Bucky had been a moody asshole to him yesterday, Bucky decided to just forget about the day before. 

It was quite obvious Steve’s feelings for him hadn’t changed, his gaze filled with just as much love as they had the last years. And Bucky would be dumb to ruin the perfectly nice evening they were sharing, to break the quiet and content atmosphere filling their apartment.

Having made up his mind, Bucky returned his smile and twisted his hand so he could entwine them with Steve’s.

“No, it’s nothing. Don’t worry about it. So how was work?”

For a moment, Steve looked as though he wanted to pry further, but ultimately decided to drop it. Instead he started talking about the project that had been taking up so much of his time, and how they were now in the last stages of wrapping everything up.

Throughout the dinner, and the rest of the evening, that was once again spent on the couch, cuddling together and being very affectionate with another, the tension between them grew thicker and thicker, hands lingering, wandering, and kisses becoming more and more heated. 

Eventually they went to bed, where Steve was once again lying on him, careful to not put too much weight on him. The longer their kiss went on the more messy it became, wet lips sliding against each other again, Bucky’s hands wandering under Steve’s shirt to feel the heat of his naked skin against his palms.

But something was not quite right. Steve was obviously reluctant to take things further, probably because he still had Bucky’s outburst last night on his mind. 

Trying to get him on the right track, to show him that Bucky was very much in the mood tonight and needed more than just some chaste kisses, needed to feel Steve’s heat against him, Bucky pushed himself harder against his body.

Maybe it was to banish the last doubting thoughts, maybe it was just pure want for his boyfriend, but Bucky desired to feel as much of Steve as he could. Needed to know Steve was here, with him, wasn’t leaving him for Peggy or anyone else. Needed to to feel him everywhere around and inside him, until he didn’t know where he ended and Steve began. 

“Come on, Steve. I’m not made of sugar.”

Lips barely a breath apart, Bucky could feel Steve gently humming against him. “Hmm, could’ve sworn you were. Taste as sweet as much, anyway.”

Bucky whined, and began squirming against him, need continuing to consume him the longer Steve kept his movements teasing, barely grinding against him.

Suddenly Steve leaned away and looked at Bucky, blue eyes filled with worry.

“Are you sure you want to, Buck? Last night you seemed … well.”

Heat filling his cheeks, Bucky now felt embarrassed about his reaction last night. Steve had obviously been concerned, not having a clue what prompted Bucky’s sudden mood change. 

But now everything was good again. Bucky had sorted himself out, and now there was nothing he wanted more than to finally get lost in the feeling of Steve making love to him again, making Bucky forget he had ever doubted him. 

“Hmm, I’m fine. It was nothin’, don’t worry about it. Just need you, Steve. Need to feel you.” Bucky was practically whining, desperately trying to reach Steve’s lips again. 

But Steve held himself out of reach, holding his gaze for a few long, drawn out moments. Then he exhaled, and, apparently being satisfied with what he saw in Bucky’s eyes, a smirk began to grow on his lips.

“Well, then it would be very rude of me to not give you what you need, hmm, baby.”

Leaning down again, Steve began to kiss him filthily, finally giving Bucky what he so desperately needed.

Their movements became more frantic, Steve pulling and pushing Bucky to arrange him to his liking. As Steve pulled on his hair, moving his head to the side so he could have access to his neck, Bucky gave a shaky exhale. 

Finally giving in, Steve spent the night passionately making love to him, making him feel treasured and loved, making him feel as if they were the only two people in the world, every worry finally far from his mind.

*

Drowsy and disoriented, Bucky woke up the next morning way before his usual time. The reason for it was quickly discovered, as Steve was moving behind him, pressing kisses to his, probably very marked neck, and lazily rutting his half-hard dick against his ass. 

“Hmmpff,” he grumbled into his pillow. 

Steve rumbled a husky “Hmm, morning baby” against his skin, not stopping his movements. But they were without haste, the two of them being content with just enjoying the soft and quiet morning together before Steve had to get up for his morning run with Sam. 

After some time, Steve stopped his ministrations and gently nudged Bucky to lay on his back so he could give him a long, lingering kiss. 

“Hmm,” Bucky whined as Steve separated their lips, his own chasing after them. 

Pouting when Steve just grinned down at him, too far away for Bucky to reach if he wanted to keep his comfortable position on their fluffy pillows. 

Hair messy and lips deep red, Steve looked beautiful, even if he was giving him a teasing grin at seeing his pouty face. 

“As much as I would like to stay in bed and devour you all day, baby, Sam is gonna have my ass if I’m late.”

“And what about my ass?” Bucky pouted, “Who cares if you miss one morning. Just tell him you can’t make it.” 

Trying to convince Steve to stay, Bucky grabbed his shoulders and tried to push him back down on top of him, arching his hips up against him.

Steve let himself be moved and locked their lips again in a short kiss. “Hmm, very tempting. Though, I thought last night would have tired you out.” Nibbling on his lip, he continued, “Seems like I’m not satisfying you enough anymore, is it that?”

Bucky let out a giggle against his lips. “Hmm, yeah, age seems to be catching up to you.”

“You little shit. Better be nice to me if you want me to kiss your sore ass better.”

Bucky’s eyes widened with lust, his breath stocking in his chest at the prospect of Steve eating him out later on. Seeing his reaction, Steve grinned down at him again, and with one last peck stood up. 

“Hey, that’s unfair. You can’t just throw that in my face and then leave!” Bucky whined at Steve’s back. 

Steve just laughed, and who was the little shit here now?

Content to stay in bed and watch Steve get his running clothes on, Bucky snuggled deeper into their cozy bed. It was obvious that breaking up was far from Steve’s mind. He has been the wonderful, giving lover and boyfriend he has always been. Why had Bucky been so easily drawing the worst case solution? They were good. More than good. Everything was perfect.

A few minutes after Steve had left and Bucky had been dozing on and off, he was rudely pulled out of his slumber by a very annoying beeping. It seemed to be coming from Steve’s phone, and, hoping it would stop soon, he just rolled onto the other side and pulled the blanket over his ear. 

But the beeping didn’t stop. Now awake anyway and the chances of him napping some more lost, Bucky sat up with an annoyed groan. He reached for Steve’s phone, wanting to look at what was making all that noise and see if he could turn it off, when he saw several text messages coming in.

And there were all from Peggy.

For a moment all Bucky could do was stare at the screen, seeing even more messages coming in. His heart started speeding up, and with shaking hands he swapped up so he could unlock the screen. 

Eyes flitting through all the messages, they started tearing up at what they were seeing. 

Sent 5 minutes ago:

Hey hottie! It’s almost the big day!! I'm so excited, can't believe you’re finally doing it. AHHHH!!!

Sent 4 minutes ago:

So anxious how he will react! I know you’re worrying your pretty blond head about it but I’m sure everything will be fine 

Sent 2 minutes ago:

And just think of all the hot sex you’ll be getting once its done ;)) Gonna fuck like bunnies I’m telling you! You won’t be thinking about all the stress and then it all will have been worth it!

Sent one minute ago:

And even if it's not gonna go well it won't be the end of the world! You’re still gonna be fine I promise :)

Struggling to read the last message through the tears blurring his vision, Bucky let out a sob. He felt like someone had just ripped his heart out of his chest. Tears were streaming down his face, not even really registering in Bucky’s mind.

So, he had been right after all. His thoughts were spinning. The big day she was talking about. It had to be tomorrow, when they were supposed to have their fancy dinner. Steve must be planning to break up with him then. 

His throat tightened up even as more sobs tore through him. The world was blurry, Bucky not really seeing through the tears escaping. He just sat there, on the bed he and Steve shared, and stared at the phone. 

What was he supposed to do now? He … he couldn’t just pretend everything was fine and wait around for Steve to finally do it. He couldn’t sit through the dinner, smiling and pretending he didn’t know what was coming.

Wiping the tears from his face, even though new ones were immediately replacing the old ones, he stood up, trying to decide what to do now. 

One thing was certain. He wouldn’t wait for the inevitable. Bucky would be long gone before Saturday.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whoops did I say fluff?
> 
> Don't kill me please!


	4. Devoid Of Colour

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thank you to all the lovely people who left a comment <3  
> It really means a lot to me 
> 
> Again, this is not beta'ed, so all mistakes are mine.
> 
> Next update might take a little longer since the chapter it's kinda giving me trouble. Also University is about to start so I don't know how much time I'll have.
> 
> Anyway, off to some more good old angst!

Heartbreak is a messy thing. Bucky would know. Having been in a relationship with Brock for almost a year did a great job of teaching him a lesson in disappointment and despair.

But this was so much worse. 

He knew Natasha was worried. Probably also a little mad at herself for not taking his concerns seriously when he called her for help. Bucky didn’t blame her. She had known Steve for many years now, too, was also very close with him. Not as close as with Bucky, but still. Close enough to trust he would never do something like this.

When Bucky had arrived at her door a few days ago, eyes red, with the bag he had hastily thrown his most essential things in, over his shoulder, Natasha had been the supportive best friend he had always been able to count on. 

And after getting enough words out of his sobbing self to make sense of what had happened between their phone call the day before and now, Natasha had been seething with fury. Bucky had barely been able to stop her from marching over to Steve’s office and kick his ass, only her protectiveness towards him and his obvious need for his best friend had been able to make her stay.

Still, not knowing how to go on now, he’s been moping the last few days. After crying himself out on Natasha’s shoulder, he had been able to get his head together enough to call in sick to work, knowing he wouldn’t be able to get anything done while he had to deal with his freshly broken heart. 

And now he’s sitting on Natasha’s couch, the same one he had been sleeping on the last few nights, alone, staring lifelessly at the wall, with a deep hollow in his chest. The tears had stopped after the second night, having cried himself empty. And that’s how he felt right now. 

Just empty. 

Drained of all emotions except the all around heaviness settling around him. 

“Here, James, you need to eat something.” Natasha placed a plate full of sandwiches on the coffee table in front of him. It was really nice of her, taking care of his messy and heartbroken self again. Bucky was so immensely grateful to have her by his side. 

But looking at the sandwiches in front of him, he felt no desire to eat anything. He was just not hungry, his stomach feeling much too heavy. 

“Not hungry, Nat.”

Frowning down at him, Bucky could feel her disapproving stare cut into his side.

“You need to eat something. I know you’re heartbroken, but starving yourself won’t make it better.”

Before Bucky could answer her, he was interrupted by the ringtone of his phone. A shudder of dread creeped down his spine, anticipating the person calling him before he even looked at the screen. 

But actually seeing the caller-ID still made him freeze up, Bucky not being able to do anything but just stare at his phone. 

Natasha, obviously sensing his distress, took his phone out of his hands and promptly ended the call. She then proceeded to do something else on it, maybe muting it or even blocking the number. Bucky didn’t really care either way, numbly looking at Nat’s fingers tipping on his phone.

After a moment, seemingly satisfied with her work, she threw it back on the couch next to him where it landed softly between the cushions. 

Then, in her no-nonsense voice, she said, “When I’m back you’ve better eaten at least one of these. Or I’m going to force feed them to you,” before leaving him alone with his thoughts again.

*

This hadn’t been the first time Steve has called him. Obviously.   
Bucky guessed that even if you’re intending to break up with your boyfriend in a few days to finally be able to be back together with your ex-girlfriend, who is also the love of your life, you would still be worried if he just disappeared, without any message, note or phone call. 

The first time had been the evening after he had packed up his things and gone to Natasha. His eyes still wet with tears, he had shown no reaction as the phone rang in his hand, his body numb with shock. Natasha had been well on her way to answer the call, probably to give Steve a piece of her own opinion, before Bucky had been able to stop her. 

Ever since then, Steve had been trying to reach him multiple times a day. Bucky didn’t understand why he was so adamantly trying. He surely must have figured out by now why Bucky had left. In fact, he should be glad Bucky had spared him the awkward break-up talk. The “it’s not you, it’s me” and “i’m sorry, Buck, but we can still be friends”. 

No, thanks. Bucky really didn’t need to hear that from the man he had thought he would spend the rest of his life with. 

But, well, Steve is nothing if not stubborn. He probably wanted to explain himself to Bucky. Maybe to lessen the guilt, make himself feel better about it if they at least talked it out. Who knows, really. Bucky didn’t care either way.

But it didn’t just stop with the phone calls. In addition, Steve was also constantly texting him. 

Sent at 5:27pm

Hey, babe, where r u? 

Sent at 5:56pm

Okay, babe, getting kinda worried here. You mind just letting me know if you’re ok?

One missed call.

Sent at 6:43pm

For real Bucky where are you?? Are you okay? I’m really worried. 

Two missed calls.

Sent at 8:02pm

Fuck Bucky please just call me back. I’m going crazy here. Just need to know you’re okay, please.

Sent at 8:44pm

I tried calling Nat and she wont pick up either. Are you mad at me? Are you with Nat? Please just let me know, we dont need to talk if you dont want i just need to know you’re safe, please buck, im really worried.

After that message Natasha had finally texted him a short message, probably telling him to back off. Bucky had still received some texts in the days after, but he dutifully ignored them all. He just couldn't talk to Steve yet. Maybe never. He was just too afraid of what he might do, that he would forgive Steve for everything the moment he turned his puppy eyes on him. Bucky was just that naive and easily manipulated. Especially if he was head over heels in love with someone.

So the best thing he could do, and really owed himself to do, was to put as much distance between them as possible. 

*

On Tuesday the next week, the day before he would finally go back to work, Bucky didn’t feel much better, but he knew he couldn’t bury himself in his misery blanket on Nat’s couch forever. Even if there was nothing he wanted more.

Today, Natasha had so gratefully taken the morning off to help Bucky with finally getting most of his stuff out of his and Steve’s apartment. He knew how stressed she was, and felt really shitty to bring so much drama into her life when she definitely didn’t need it, but she cut that off right away.

“Shut up. It’s not your fault this happened to you. You know I’m always there for you, and I’m definitely not blaming you for Steve’s shitty behaviour and timing. If anyone is inconveniencing me it’s that asshole. Definitely not you.”

“But I could’ve … dunno, gone to a hotel or something. You’re taking off work for me now, and I know how busy you-,”

Interrupting his mumbling, Natasha grabbed his hands that were twisting themselves crazy in his shirt and held them softly in hers. 

In a much softer tone, she said, “James, I really don’t mind. Please, don’t ever feel guilty for needing me, okay? I’ll support you no matter what, and I can take a day off to help you. It’s not a big deal.”

Bucky knew it actually was a big deal, but it was clear Natasha wouldn’t let him stop her from helping him, no matter how guilty he felt.

He didn’t know how he deserved her.

When he opened the door to his and Steve’s apartment, Bucky was again taken over by his emotions. This was his home, has been for the last few years. So many happy memories were tied to this place. When he and Steve first visited it, instantly feeling that it was perfect. Choosing the colours for the walls, moving in and turning it into their cozy little home. 

Bucky was really going to miss this place. 

Taking a deep breath and shooting a reassuring, although watery smile Natasha’s way, who was looking at him with concerned eyes, he went to work.  
As he was collecting all his things, starting first with his clothes, the sadness began to settle deeply into his soul. Knowing that this part of his life, the part he had spent with Steve, where he had been more happy in his relationship than he ever thought he could be, brought the tears back into his eyes. 

Bucky walked through each room, reliving the last few years he spent here with the love of his life. He lingered at the place in the living room where their Christmas tree would stand each year, little but not failing to deliver the cozy atmosphere of Christmas.

He stopped at the window leading to the fire escape, where he had spent many summer nights sitting and talking with Steve, at the only time when the summer heat settling over New York would be bearable. Where they waited for the sunrise, so Bucky could watch Steve unwind with a pencil in hand, drawing unconcerned about the pressure of perfection his job brought with him.

When he stopped in the hallway leading to the bedroom, looking at the pictures of all the years spent together, pain shot through his heart, sharp and quick. He didn’t stay there for more than a few seconds, not able to look at them too long.

And, at last, he looked over the bedroom, seeing if there was anything he had missed. Bucky ended up lingering there the longest, stroking his hands over their bed, where they had spent so many passionate nights, lazy mornings and cuddly evenings.

He longed for these mornings now, when his biggest worry had been what he was cooking for dinner, or how much in a hurry he would have to be later if he snuggled up to his boyfriend for five more minutes.

His eyes quickly filled up with tears again, spilling over and making their way down his face.

How he wished for the time when Steve had still been happy with him, and he thought the both of them had forever.

But it didn’t matter now. Bucky could never go back, no matter how much he wished to be back in his happy memories he held so fondly of this space they had called theirs. The only way to go now was forward.

He let his keys fall into the bowl by the door, leaving a piece of his heart in there, and with a resounding click he closed the door, knowing it was the last time. 

*

In hindsight Bucky should have probably expected something like this. Steve had always been stubborn and when he had set his mind on something he wouldn’t stop until he got what he wanted.

Which, in this case, was very unfortunate for Bucky.

Sitting back on Natashas couch, wrapped in his comfort blanket, he hadn’t really thought about Steve’s reaction to him basically moving out without a word. Though, Steve should have really expected it, because what did he think Bucky would do? Stay in their apartment? Hell no.

Well, Bucky was sitting in his little depression nest, mourning and generally being a hot mess, when suddenly there was a loud insisting knock on the front door. Startled out of his thoughts, Bucky stared numbly at it, wondering who it could be. Natasha had long since returned to work and she would have certainly told him if she was expecting anybody.

Bucky frowned when the knocking continued and reluctantly started to unwrap himself out of his nest. Halfway on his way to the door, however, the voice on the other side speaking up made him freeze.

“Bucky, I know you’re here. Please just open the door so we can talk, please.”

Standing halfway between the couch and the door, Bucky began to panic. He didn’t know what to do. He really didn’t want to talk to Steve, especially now when the memory of all their happy times together was still raw in his mind, Bucky couldn’t have that conversation now. He just couldn’t.

But Steve was nothing if not stubborn.

“I’m sorry. I don’t know what happened, but can we please just talk about it? I- All your things are gone and I just-”, a thunk against the wall, Steve seemed to become more desperate with each word, “-just, please Buck. We can talk about it. I, whatever I did, we can work it out, okay? Please just let us talk.”

Scoffing at Steve’s words, Bucky couldn’t help but tear up again. Whatever he did? As if Steve still didn’t realize that Bucky knew. What was he trying to achieve here? Didn’t he want to break up with him anyway? Why couldn’t he just leave him the fuck alone, let him suffer in peace without stomping all over his heart again and again?

But no, Steve always had to have the last word. Bucky wouldn’t give it to him this time. He didn’t deserve to explain himself, to give himself a clean cut with Bucky. Not after pulling this shit with him when he knew exactly what Bucky had been through before. 

Sniffling and with fresh tears running down his face, Bucky resolutely ignored Steve’s knocking and attempts at sugarcoating him progressively becoming more and more desperate, and turned back to his couch. He turned on the T.V. and turned the volume up until he finally couldn’t hear Steve anymore. 

Not even two minutes later and his phone began to ring. Bucky didn’t even look at the screen before muting it and throwing it at the other end of the couch. 

Couldn’t he just get the goddamn hint? Bucky didn’t deserve this. The least Steve could do was leave him alone. Nothing he could say would make this better anyway. 

And the worst part was, the more Steve tried to contact him, the harder it felt for Bucky to resist it. But he wouldn't give in. Not this time. He had learned that lesson with Brock. Nothing good would come out of that conversation Steve wanted to have anyway. At least not for Bucky.

He just hoped Steve would finally give up and leave him alone.

*

Quite some time later, Bucky could hear voices outside of Natasha’s door. Steve had finally stopped knocking and shouting at the door a while ago, but Bucky wasn’t sure if he had actually left.

Now, hearing Natasha outside her door, muffled enough that Bucky couldn’t hear what she was saying, but loud enough to know it was her, he had the suspicion Steve had actually waited outside the whole time.

Bucky couldn’t be bothered to move closer to hear what they were saying, so he stayed where he was. Natasha would handle it for him. She was great like that. Hopefully that would be enough to finally get Steve to fuck off for good.

A few minutes later, the key was opening the door. Peeking out behind the blanket Bucky had wrapped himself into, he saw Natasha entering her apartment, her bag with her work clothes in hand and Steve thankfully nowhere to be seen. 

After giving him a quick look, she quickly put her stuff away.

Murmuring a quiet, “Oh, Bucky,” she came over and threw herself over him. He shuffled over to give her more room, and she shifted so she could cuddle him into her. 

“He is an ass, and you don’t owe him anything, okay? No matter how much he bugs you, you don’t have to give him shit if you don’t want to.”

Nodding, his previously dried tears once again started again. He was so tired of crying, of hurting. He just wanted it to stop, wanted to be back in his little bubble with Steve when he still thought everything was fine and didn’t know better.

But he couldn’t. And the only way to go forward was to cut Steve out of his life, no matter how insisting he was, no matter how much it hurt. He had to move on.

Try to forget Steve, no matter how impossible it seemed to be. 

Natasha held him for hours, staying by his side until his sobbing finally gave way to an exhausted, restless sleep.


	5. Writing Down A New Chapter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I'm back!
> 
> I want to start by saying something first: I encourage everybody to look at tags before starting to read something, and if these tags are something that could upset you (aka the cheating and miscommunication in this case) then please do yourself a favor and just don't read it. 
> 
> It's really upsetting and discouraging to me to get comments telling me they were disappointed or didn't like where I had gone with the story. I do this for fun in my free time and I'm definitely not a professional author, so any unsolicited critic is not welcome here. Please understand that.
> 
> This is my story and I do what I want with it, and if you don't like it nobody is forcing you to stay.
> 
>   
> That being said, a huge huge thank you to all the lovely people commenting nice things and the anons on tumblr I got! If it wasn't for all of these I think it would have taken even longer for me to get back to writing! So really, you don't know how much all of that meant to me :) <33
> 
> This chapter is not my greatest so far I think, but all of this needed to be built up for the next chapter.  
> Hopefully you'll still like it <3
> 
> And again, nice feedback is always welcome and appreciated <33

The first week back at work was hard. Bucky was distracted and couldn't seem to focus on his project. Not even going to his actual office was helping.

There was nothing he wanted more than to just bury himself back in his blanket on Natasha's couch and ignore the rest of the world. But he still had a job that had to be done, and he couldn’t hide himself away in his misery forever.

So Bucky tried his best to actually do what he was being paid for and finish the rough draft of his new project before his deadline.

Which was soon.

Sharply reminded of why he actually prefered working from home in this phase of product development, he tried his best to not let himself get too distracted by his coworkers. Who were annoyingly chipper and had apparently nothing better to do than to chat Bucky up with gossip all day.

“Oh, and have you heard? I’ve heard some whispers from higher up, saying they’re planning some kind of big collaboration. Apparently with some big shot company. Don’t ask me which one, I couldn’t get anything else out of that intern who works the desk up there. Who is such a cutie by the way. Such a shame he is way too young for me.”

Usually Bucky could put up with Darcy’s chatter. He quite liked her most of the time, especially since she often brought coffee with her when she wanted to bring him up to date on the latest office gossip.

Today, however, he really couldn’t use the distraction and was becoming quite desperate for her to leave him alone.

Mumbling a disinterested, “Hmm, okay,” Bucky tried his hardest to concentrate on the screen in front of him.

Darcy didn’t seem to get the hint, and continued with her chatter.

“Well, anyway, how are you doing? Haven’t seen you around the office for forever. Steve taking up all your time, heh? Not that I blame you, I wouldn’t leave the house either if I had such a hunky blonde sitting at home.”

Bucky took a sharp inhale at that, the painful reminder of how much he didn’t have that anymore tugging at his heart. 

Leaning over his desk and grinning at him, Darcy didn’t seem to notice how much her words affected him and continued talking, but Bucky wasn’t hearing a word she was saying. 

He had tried so hard to not think about it. The whole point of coming to the office was to distract himself from the fact he wasn’t in his home, and didn’t really have an idea of where to go now. He knew he couldn’t crash on Natasha’s couch forever and needed to find a new place soon. 

It was just too painful to think about at the moment. To know the next place he would be calling his home was going to be without Steve.

Bucky took a deep breath, trying to get his thoughts in order. He really needed to focus on his work and not be distracted by everything. Or else he was not only out of a boyfriend but also out of a job soon.

“Darcy,” his tone was sharp, but it needed to be to get her to stop talking and pay attention, “I really don’t have time to chat with you. I’m on a tight schedule here, and I don’t need the distraction.”

At that she finally became silent and looked at him sheepishly.

After a few quiet seconds she said, “Oh, sorry, Bucky. I’ll get out of your hair then.”

Already feeling bad at the way he snapped at her, he sighed and ran a hand through his hair. God, he was such a mess.

“Hey, we can catch up over lunch, okay? I just really need to focus now.”

Giving him a tight smile, she nodded and left his office with a “Okay, see you later then.”

Bucky gave a long exasperated sigh and let his head fall into his hands. It was going to be a long fucking day.

*

Over the course of the next few days Bucky was trying his hardest to keep himself together. It was hard, especially because he had to go into the office every day due to his current living situation. He wasn’t used to all the hustle and small talk, actually really hated it. He couldn’t get into his usual flow of work he had when he was in his quiet office space at home and it was really hindering his process. But he had no other choice, at least until he found another place.

Which, well, Bucky wasn’t really in a hurry to hunt down a new apartment.

The thought of living alone again or having a stranger for a roommate was not at all appealing to him. But being in the office every day was starting to drive him crazy.

He just wasn’t ready for a new apartment. He didn’t want one, he just wanted everything to go back to how it was. 

But it was pointless to wish for things he couldn’t have. 

At least the office gave him less chances of wallowing in his misery. Bucky sat with Darcy and a few others at lunch every day, to give at least the impression he wasn’t totally excluding himself socially from everybody.

Unfortunately it also gave Darcy, who was just nosy by nature, a lot of time to ask questions he really didn’t want to discuss with her. 

“So, Bucky,” she started when it was just the two of them one day, “Don’t think I haven’t noticed you showing up here every day. Usually you’re in the office maybe once a week if you don’t have to be here. Now,” she paused to take a big bite of her sandwich and continued while chewing, and pointedly ignored Bucky’s disgusted look, “I know I’m awesome to hang around with and you love my company-,” she swallowed her bite, “but you also have a hot boyfriend at home, whose company, even I have to admit, is way more enjoyable than mine. So,” she gave him an intense look, “what’s up with that? Trouble in paradise?”

Swallowing the big lump stuck in his throat, Bucky averted his eyes. Of course Darcy would be curious and ask. She was Darcy after all. It didn’t change that Bucky would rather talk about anything else than this. 

It took a while to find his voice. After clearing his throat, he answered quietly, “Well, actually, we - uhh - we’re not together anymore.”

The following silence from Darcy was so unusual Bucky would have laughed if it wasn’t in response to him saying those words aloud for the very first time. The lump stuck in his throat became even bigger and he suddenly had trouble swallowing around it.

Bucky could barely hear her tiny “Oh” over the roaring in his ears. It all had felt painful before, but speaking it out aloud, it suddenly made it seem final in a way it hadn’t felt before. Like it was official now, and couldn’t be taken back.

Darcy cleared her throat and he focused his attention back on her, as he desperately tried to escape the drowning thoughts in his head. 

“I’m sorry to hear that. What happened? I thought you two were it for each other.”

Steadily avoiding eye contact, Bucky was trying to find his voice again. The whole subject matter was still very raw, the wound still too fresh, and he really didn’t want to explain this situation to anyone, least of all his work colleagues, no matter how much he usually got along with her. 

“I’d rather not talk about it.”

God, this was so awkward. How much more obvious could it be that he was the one who was dumped. Combined with his pain and shame he just felt all around miserable. Why couldn’t just everybody leave him alone about it. 

“Hmm, alright. I see this is a sensitive matter so I won’t bother you anymore, Buckyboy. But just so you know, my roommate is moving in with her boyfriend next month, so I have a free room if you need one. I was actually just about to ask around, but because you’re my friend you get first dibs. I would rather it be you than some weird hipster guy who will annoy me with his weird food and socks all day!”

Moving in with Darcy. Huh, Bucky didn’t know if he really wanted to be around her at work and at home. But he was also looking at the apartment hunting competition of one of the most sought after cities, and they did not come cheap or easy. And he was starting to really feel like a burden to Natasha, even if she vehemently denied it. He had to finally go on, no matter how hard it was, and this was an almost perfect solution basically falling into his lap. He would be dumb to decline it.

“Thank you for the offer. I mean, I would like to look at it first, but I’m definitely interested. Was actually about to start hunting for a new place, so this is perfect.”

Wearing a self-satisfied smile, Darcy said, “Well, that’s me! Always the perfect timing. You can check it out this weekend if you want? I mean, Jane will move out at the end of October so it will still be a few weeks before you can move in. But we can go over the details and everything if you want.”

Lifting his mouth up in a small smile, Bucky was really grateful for this opportunity. And maybe it won’t be that bad living with Darcy. And he can finally have his own space again and go back into his cozy home office, far away from distracting coworkers.

*

On the weekend Bucky went to Darcy’s and checked out the apartment. It was small, that was to be expected, but it was nice and clean. 

“So, what do you say? We’re going to be roommates?”

“Yes, I like it,” Bucky smiled. 

Releasing an excited squeal, Darcy wrapped her arms around him in a hug.  
“Oh, it’s going to be great! We’re gonna have so much fun. So glad I don’t have to deal with weird people who could have been murderers for all I know!”

So that’s at least one less problem on Bucky’s plate. And while he was certainly far away from feeling happy, he at least felt a little bit better knowing he was moving forward. 

*

In the following weeks Bucky became even better at keeping busy. Between making great progress on his project at work, just a few days away from finally finishing it, and getting his stuff ready to move, which wasn’t a lot because he’d never really unpacked it in the first place at Natasha’s, he was so distracted he barely had time to think about Steve. 

Or rather, he didn’t let himself think about Steve. How he might be doing, how things are between him and Peggy now that he was out of the picture. If they had moved in together already, happily planning their future together. No, Bucky wasn’t thinking about it.

He was busy. Especially with work.

Which is also the reason why he had been ignoring the whispers hushing through the office for a few weeks now. He had no time for office gossip nor any interest in it. If he was in his home office he often didn’t even notice any rumors. And the way he was thinking about it was that if anything important happened in the company the boss would tell them. So there was no need to pay attention to it.

Which was why the call to come into Tony’s office was so unexpected. Maybe he should have paid more attention, at least then he would have an inkling as to what to expect when he knocked on his bosses door.

“Bucky! Come in, take a seat.”

Cautiously Bucky did just that, sitting in the comfortable chair across from Tony. He got along with his boss well enough, but there was something about him that just has always grated on Bucky’s nerves. Maybe it was because he often rambled on about stuff that had no relation to anything of importance and held him up at his own work. Another reason why he preferred working from home whenever it’s possible. 

But besides that, Tony wasn’t an awful boss. He trusted his employees and gave them a lot of free reign, as long as the results were right. 

Bucky was still concerned as to the reason he was called into office. The project he was working on was almost done, even with him slacking off for a few days after the whole … breaking up fiasco. But maybe his emotional distress could have influenced his work and wasn’t up to standard, no matter how much he had tried to pull himself together.

“So, I’m sure you’ve heard all the whispering and rumors flying around the office about something big happening. I know everyone has been wondering about what is happening, and in a few days we’ll announce it officially. But you Barnes,” Tony paused, probably for dramatic effect, and smirked at him, “Well, you get to hear the exciting news early!”

He paused again, most likely waiting for some kind of reaction from him. Still as clueless as he was before Tony started talking, Bucky just raised his eyebrows in anticipation. 

Huffing an impatient sigh, Tony continued, “So a few months ago, I was approached by another big name company with the proposal for a collaboration between our two companies. More precisely, our tech development department and their designing apartment. You know, to reach a wider target audience, maximise profits, all the fun stuff. Now, I’m sure you’re wondering what all of that has to do with you. Well, usually this project would fall to one of the seniors. At first we had picked Bruce for the job, but in the discussions between their designing head and him it turned out they couldn’t quite agree on the same direction. Then they promoted someone else for the position right after we decided to put Janet in charge instead, and it all was a bit of a messy progress. But then they finally came to an agreement and it seemed to be smooth sailing, when of course Janet became pregnant and it was clear she couldn’t oversee it all from start to finish. Which leads me to the reason you’re sitting here right now!”

Bucky’s eyebrow has been steadily rising, while his brain was busy keeping track of what Tony was saying. No wonder there had been so much gossip, with so much changing around something was bound to slip out to the other employees.

Tony clapped his hand and continued, “So, Buckero, don’t think it slipped by me how hard you’ve been working the last few months. Every project you have been part of has been excellent, and the other supervisors sing your praise. I’ve also noticed you definitely have the work ethnic required for such a time intensive task. So, what do you say, you want the job?”

“Uhh,” was all that came out of Bucky’s mouth. This was not what he had been expecting at all. He thought he had been about to be chewed out for slacking off, not being offered a promotion.

“Wow, that’s, thank you for offering. I’ll gladly take the position and will give my best to not disappoint you.”

“Nah, I’m not worried about that,” Tony winked at him. “You’ll do great.”

Bucky hoped he was right. This was an amazing opportunity that came very unexpected. But he was determined to give it his best shot.

*

That evening Bucky told Natasha the exciting news, and they went out to dinner in celebration of his promotion. 

And if he had to repeatedly drown the part of him that longed to call Steve to tell him all about it, only to remember the cold hard reality again each time he scrolled to his number-

Well, that was between him and the bottle of wine he was emptying.

**Author's Note:**

> If you've liked it please leave a comment, it would mean so much to me <3


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